It Was Never About Sex
by Mouse-size-Dragon
Summary: Even the bitchiest and most badass of people need someone to turn to, and it was never really about sex with them. A story of the most epic friendship ever to sweep the halls of McKinley High, and why no one's ever heard of it.
1. Santana and Noah

**Disclaimer: **None of Glee belongs to me; I'm a) not Ryan Murphy and b) so not that creative/epically awesome.

**AN: **None of this is Betaed; I'm the only one who's edited it so sorry for any mistakes.

Chapter 1: Santana and Noah

Was it really that hard to believe, that Puck was her best friend even when they hated each other? That their relationship wasn't founded on sex and that, hell, they hardly ever went further than a kiss, much less _actually_ did the deed. Probably, after all everyone in Lima seemed to take things at the surface value and they tossed around innuendos like they were playing hot potato. Way back when, in grade school, Santana found the perfect partner in Noah. They both knew how to play the system, manipulating peers and adults alike. But more importantly they both were broken. Puck, as he became known in junior high, had a poor overworked mother and an adorable little sister who was still too young to understand that their father had abruptly abandoned them for a younger woman and a life without children tying him down. Santana had a successful workaholic father who was abusive in the 'safety' of their home and a mother too out of it to even realize what went on in front of her.

Quickly they became partners in crime; acting out and hoping someone would notice the right things about them. They were both broken, and once they found each other they shared a bond deeper than anyone could guess. Neither of them could trust an outsider, someone who didn't know pain like they did, so even though Finn claimed Puck as his best friend and Santana claimed Brittany as hers they both knew underneath it all that they would always be closer to each other than anyone else. Ms. Puckerman never said a word about the hundreds of sleepovers she tended to host where Santana was the only invitee. When they were kids it was never about sex, it was about the broken uselessness they both felt underneath it all.

It made sense, when they were 14 and about to start high school soon, to make sure they had their firsts with someone they could trust, with each other. So yeah, they planned it out, Puck saved up, and halfway through the summer before freshman year they went on their first date, to Breadsticks, and went back to Santana's and shared their first everything. They'd already shared their first kiss back in like third grade but that night they did everything else as well (and even though they'd both been virgins they did use protection because neither one of them was stupid, when sober at least). It would be better to experiment, or at least practice, together now she'd explained to Puck, because really now that they were going into high school sex would be just another tool to manipulate people with and there was no need to look like an inexperienced fool in front of someone they didn't trust. That night was not really about sex, it was about trust and making sure their first time was on their terms.

Ironic wasn't it, that Puck got labeled the 'McKinley Man Whore' when she'd been the one to convince him to start having sex, and she knew for a fact that he hadn't slept with even half as many people as she had, or even half as many people as most people thought _he_ had. Santana wasn't a whore; no she was one of the hot, slutty, cheerios. Even though she'd probably slept with more people than the entire rest of the team combined she never ended up with the kind of negative heat Puck did. Some days, most days actually, she really felt like she deserved the teasing nickname, Satan, he'd given her. Sex and being a bitch were what she was good at: school was boring and she sucked at listening to other people go on about their own problems. She always wanted to tell them to suck it up because they didn't have it nearly as bad as her best friend who was practically selling himself to earn more customers for his pool cleaning business so he could help his mom pay the bills. Those nights were never really about sex, most of the time they didn't even make out, they were about being with someone who understood.

Yeah, she was only good at sex and being a bitch so when she saw her best friend screwing himself, and Quinn, over trying to do the right thing to make up for a drunken mistake she stopped the disaster with what she was good at. Puck had been drunk out of his mind when he had sex with Quinn and regretted it immediately the next morning. But he was so determined never to abandon his own children like his father that he couldn't admit that the 'family' would fall apart pretty quickly and that would be even worse for the kid in the long run. So she'd flashed Quinn the timestamp on Puck's texts asking for ideas to calm the triple terrors from the night before and made out like they'd been sexting all night. He hated her and bitched at her for a while, if he _had_ been her source of sex she would've been on the metaphorical couch for a few months there, but when Beth was born he came back to her. Noah, because he was always Noah at his weakest, crept into bed with her silently crying that night after he had to give his daughter away and neither of them mentioned how much she might have been at fault. If they cuddled all night and didn't even kiss once, well, it was their business. That night was defiantly not about sex, it was about Noah's comfort and needing to hold someone who wasn't going to leave him.

Everyone could see that the relationship with Mercedes was one of the most pointless things ever. Puck wasn't even sexing her, barely a few chaste kisses and some handholding. Maybe it was to boost his popularity back up, maybe he was trying to improve his rep somehow, but either way it wasn't working. Now that was all fine and good but being in Glee club with them Mercedes had more of Puck's respect than most other fools at the school so when she started preaching at Santana's main man shit was so going down. It was like nobody had noticed that since receiving his own facial slushie Puck had toned those down and only landed one now and then on that creepy jew-fro kid. How he didn't throw pee balloons or teepee houses on the weekends anymore. No, Diva there just had to pick at Puck's weak spots, not that she knew or was trying to upset him, with all her preaching at him about changing for the better. Well that was not okay, Santana had to pull out her second skill and be a bitch to get rid of her. When she invited Puck over for movie night the night they broke-up he came and they never needed to mention why she'd really started that catfight out loud. That night was not at all about sex, it was about reaffirming each other and the unspoken understanding that they'd always be there for one another.

When she 'blossomed' over the summer, God she hated her genetics, she lied and told everyone she'd gotten a boob job. That body type she was inheriting was just ugh, she could almost feel her hips and ass swelling, the voluptuous hourglass figure so did not work for cheerleading. She knew Quinn would probably tell Coach Sue, unless having Beth had changed her as much as it had changed Puck, to get back on top but she figured she kinda owed Q something for the 'sexting' incident and that she'd be able to fight her way up again in no time. But those insecurities she stumbled over in Coach's office hadn't all been lies. Santana was a top bitch that nobody messed with and everybody slept with. With that kind of reputation what kind of relationship would she ever be able to get? Sometimes she wanted a sweet boy like Finn to take her out on real dates that didn't all end in sex. Every once in a while she wanted someone to want her for more than just sex. So sometimes, okay about once a week, she'd head over to Puck's and they'd watch America's Next Top Model while curled up together on his bed and Puck, Noah on these nights, would give her a running commentary of how much more beautiful, intelligent, and fierce she was than each of them. These nights were not about sex, they were about reassurance and friendship.

She heard about Puck's stay in juvie before anyone at school did, all it gave her was time to plan out her public reaction. It was obvious, even to the judge who eventually got around to granting her boy probation, that Puck wasn't stealing an ATM. The cops of Lima just hated him for being the number one punk in town who probably slept with all their wives and bullied all their children. Puck was drunk and forgot to put the car in reverse before accelerating. She would know: she got his one phone call asking her to pick-up the groceries sitting in the back of the car because his sister needed to bring a special snack in to school the next day. Yes, Puck sat up in his room and got totally wasted a few times a week; shut up, he was depressed about things, okay. Every day, if she didn't have something to distract her, she'd sit and worry about him because she knew how truly un-tough he was. She'd chosen the bad-boy persona and everything that went along with it to ensure he became popular; he totally would've become a band nerd or something without her. Damn it, she'd doomed him, now she spent her allowance helping out his mother and her nights worrying about him. When he came back they spent the next month having sleepovers, where they actually slept, and he didn't complain about being hugged all night like a teddy bear. Those nights were so not about sex, they were about her comfort and making sure he wasn't leaving her again.

Okay 'rock(ed) my world' was part of a code for them, because nobody actually used the term in real life anymore, and not only did it mean that something big had gone down during that seven minutes of hel-heaven but also Puck was so coming over tonight. After the maid let Puck in, handed over the giant bowl of non-buttered popcorn, and left them alone they didn't even make it halfway through the first Die Hard movie before Puck was spilling. So the whale of a girl is on the wrestling team and way forceful, can you say ew, when they're in the storage closet and Noah, yeah he's vulnerable right now, is upset because he's just realized that he _likes_ that. Of course he liked it; all the women (Santana and the MILFs, Quinn doesn't count) he's ever slept with have been the kind to take charge and tell him what they want him to do, he's been her bitch for his entire high school career and never complained once, and he's had to be the 'man of the house' since his dad ditched them in second grade, he wants someone else to take control. If he was in a gay relationship he'd totally be either a) someone's bottom bitch or b) obeying all the demands of his partner and Santana always knew it. Apparently he hadn't figured it out yet: he wanted someone else in control. She'd always dictated his life; he hadn't realized that he'd been letting her because he wanted her to. That night was truly not about sex, it was about holding on to a constant when your world seemed to turn itself inside out because you weren't who or what you'd always thought you were.

One of the toughest things she ever did was admit that she wasn't entirely straight. Admit that the thing with Brittany was serious and more real than practically all the rest of the sex she'd ever had, that this time there were actual feelings involved. Now there was one more, real, thing for her father to yell at her about, or to hit her for. He would try to 'beat the gay out' of her, he was that kind of man. So after basically begging Brit to come back to her, crying in front of someone who wasn't Noah, and being rejected, she went back to her main boy for comfort. That night when they lounged in his room watching RENT, 'cause it was Noah's go to film about gay people, and wasn't that sad. When he tried to say at least now she was being true to herself even if she wasn't out to anyone else she snapped at him and yelled about how he wasn't just in the closet she'd built the fucking closet around him and thrown away the key. An hour later when she'd calmed down and he was still there ready to hug her and forgive her she knew she really deserved the name Satan. That night was obviously not about sex, it was about holding on to someone who understood all that was going wrong in her world.

Even the bitchiest and most badass of people need someone to turn to, and it had never really been about sex with them. They were friends, best friends, always and forever.

* * *

><p><strong>PS: <strong>This is not how I see their actual relationship on the show at all, but wouldn't it be cool if their friendship were this close, at least somewhat.


	2. Satan and Noah

**Disclaimer: **None of Glee belongs to me; I'm a) not Ryan Murphy and b) so not that creative/epically awesome.

**AN: **None of this is Betaed; I'm the only one who's edited it so sorry for any mistakes.

Chapter 2: Satan and Noah

Being a teenager was hard, sometimes the only part of the day Santana looked forward to was late night movies and gab fests with her best friend. Watching the latest episode of America's Top Model and getting a self esteem boost, or lounging around with a big bowl of popcorn and a few action movies, and every once in a while letting him pick some lame musical to show her. Good thing she demanded no repeats from him because 'West Side Story' was only slightly less offensive than she'd made it out to be (really the Jew should've known better than to show the Latina a musical about a Hispanic gang vs. a white gang). Yeah, her best friend since second grade, Noah Puckerman, was way more into music than either of them let out; he wrote songs, could play four instruments, and do that freaky thing where he could play any song he heard without needing the music. High school was ruled by survival of the fittest, she'd basically created Puck to make sure Noah became popular and didn't get picked on.

Anyways tonight was her night and she'd picked a Mission Impossible marathon, for the hot guys and the kickass spy-ness, duh. She'd already painted Noah's toenails a blinding shade of neon green, he couldn't refuse her demands and it amused her to no end to see him so adorably uncomfortable, but she'd lend him her nail polish remover tomorrow at lunch or something since she'd left it in her locker. They were curled up on the couch in their pjs eating the salted butter-free popcorn when freaking disaster struck in the form of her, supposedly their, friends.

So the Glee girls decided that she was so depressed (i.e. she forgot to insult Rachel during Glee today) that they needed to come over to her house for an impromptu 'Glee Girls' slumber party. It was probably Quinn feeling bad about getting her demoted to the bottom of the pyramid and Brit feeling bad for rejecting her combined with the feel-good togetherness the rest of the club preached. Whatever the reason the stupid maid had let them just waltz in on her and Noah during movie night. It looked way worse than it could have; the well established rumor that they put the 'benefits' in 'friends with benefits' added to the fact that they were wearing matching sleepwear and cuddling on her couch (her in red drawstring shorts and a white tank with an adorable penguin plastered across the chest and him wearing a white 'wife beater' and red flannel pj pants with more of that same penguin all over them). At least they weren't watching one of his movies, they were mostly pretty sappy and some were borderline gay (normal straight boys so didn't own RENT).

"This is _so_ not what it looks like," Santana exclaimed as she jumped up from the couch almost upsetting the popcorn bowl that had been sitting next to her. Quinn, Brittany, Tina, and Mercedes stood in the hallway and stared. When Puck shifted and started to rise too she snapped out of her shock. "Noah sit, girls I'll explain in my room." Ushering them down the halls ahead of her Santana called back over her shoulder, "You can just leave everything for the maid I think movie night's probably canceled tonight, I'll text you later."

"So you can get your story straight?" Quinn sneered as they reached Santana's bedroom. Obviously she thought she was cheating on Sam, who Santana was currently dating, with Puck. "Really, Santana I thought even you had better morals. What happened to being faithful and not sleeping around, or does that just not apply to Puck as usual?"

"I've never cheated, if I'm in a committed, monogamous, relationship I stay faithful. And Puck wouldn't have done anything with you if you hadn't gone over to his house while he was drinking and gotten drunk with him and then kissed him when all he did was reassure you that you weren't fat!" Quinn looked like she'd been slapped, which verbally she sort of had been. "That's right, you started it and if he hadn't been so drunk he could barely tell which way was up Puck would've stopped it right away. Did you know he called me the minute he woke up the next morning almost ready to jump off a cliff or something because he'd just messed around with Finn's girl? No, nobody ever considered his side of it! He wanted to apologize to Finn right away, he especially didn't want Finn to be burdened with a baby because of his own mistake, but you wouldn't let him. You let it drag out until he looked like a real douche and practically ruined their friendship."

Panting for breath she calmed down as the other girls stared at her for her outburst in Puck's, belated, defense.

"Wait, Quinn kissed Puck?" Leave it to Brittany to pick up on the most miniscule of the important facts.

"More importantly you knew who the real father was from the beginning and you didn't say anything, to anyone?" Mercedes got it, as a fellow gossip whore she understood how important it was that Santana had known all the sides of the story and kept them to herself.

"Duh, I don't share my friends' secrets," rolling her eyes she decided then to give them a bit more of the truth tonight and spill the rest with Noah in Glee tomorrow, might as well, he was mellowing and his popularity was already pretty low. "And Noah, he's my best friend."

"You're getting rid of me," Brittany started tearing up.

"God Brit, _no_. For one I like almost never make out with Noah, and for two he's totally been my best friend since like second grade. _Before_ I met you." Yeah, this shocking people thing was really fun. She might have to share even more than she'd originally planned at Glee just to see the shocked looks. Although she really ought to get Quinn a chair, the girl looked ready to faint. "Do you all wanna change into your pjs and get comfortable or something before Q passes out on my floor?"

A few minutes were spent taking turns changing in the in-suite bathroom, or just stripping in front of everybody like Brittany, and Santana pulled out the air mattresses out of the closet. They sat around in silence listening to the motor hum as it pumped air into the two queen sized mattresses covering all the open floor space. Oddly enough, aside from Santana, all the girls wore nightdresses: pink for Brittany, white and lacy for Quinn, long and turquoise for Mercedes, and (surprise, surprise) black with purple ribbon around the edges for Tina. Eventually Quinn was the first to break the silence, again.

"Sooo, Puck?"

"Yeah, he's secretly my bitch." There was sputtering and choking on air among the other girls, much to her pleasure.

"What exactly do you mean by, uh, your bitch," Tina almost squeaked out the last word.

"I mean he's totally my bitch. He does whatever I tell him to," Santana smirked at the doubtful expressions surrounding her. "Really, who did you think paid for his vasectomy? Me. Why do you think he waited so long to suddenly join Glee? I told him to. The reason he stayed in Glee and not football last year? I said he could. Noah Puckerman has always listened to me."

"Really?" Mercedes looked skeptically at her. Actually they all looked disbelieving.

"Fine, I'll prove it. Tomorrow in Glee, Puck will obey my every command, willingly embarrass himself in front of everyone, admit that I'm his best friend, spill a few hidden secrets, and shave off his precious Mohawk all when I demand it." Okay, now none of them looked like they believed her. Hell, if she didn't know Noah so well she probably wouldn't believe she could get him to do all that at once either. "One condition, all of this stays completely within Glee. No one outside ever finds out how much I control him and what you walked in on tonight never happened; even your diary doesn't find out about tonight."

"What about-"

"Even Kurt," she answered Mercedes's question before the other girl could finish it. "You can talk to him all about whatever happens in Glee. _If_, after everything else tomorrow, Noah wants to share about our movie nights then he can, but I do actually care about him so I don't want anything getting out without his knowledge or permission. Maybe we'll invite you to the next one, he's gotten very good at touching up my manicure when I get a chip." Laughing she bounced across her bed and pulled back the blankets. "Now, unless you had something planned, I'll let you ladies digest all this while I get a head start on sleeping. Just remember if any of this _does_ get out I can make your lives hell, and if I told Puck to slushie you three times a day every day from now on he totally would, no matter _who_ or _what_ you are. Good night."

* * *

><p>School had just ended and all the Gleeks were gathered in the choir room, Mr. Schuester was running a few minutes behind as usual and all the girls, besides Rachel, were watching Santana expectantly. Standing, she brushed invisible dirt off her cheerios uniform, and waltzed to the front of the room until she was directly in front of the piano.<p>

"Excuse me everyone, I have something mostly non-musical to share with the group," by now Santana had everyone's attention even Puck, who was balancing on just two legs of his back-row chair. "Noah, come here." The chair legs slammed down and Puck had stumbled down the risers before he even realized what he was doing. Stopping halfway across to empty space he looked around confusedly.

"Uh, was I not supposed to respond or are we coming clean to the Glee club," he semi-whispered to her.

"Hey, how come he never responded so promptly when I called him Noah?" Rachel complained. Santana smirked at the other girls before responding.

"Because you haven't been training him to obey your every command since he was seven." Turning back to Puck she continued, "Of course you were supposed to, yes I've decided to share our true relationship with the club. Now, I've decided you can get rid of the Mohawk, here's a clean razor get shaving."

Handing Puck a still packaged disposable razor she stood waiting for his response, looking perfectly relaxed to the audience. Shrugging he opened the packet.

"So would you rather I do it in here or should I head to a bathroom?"

Smiling she responded, "in here. I brought a towel you can do it over." She handed over the hand towel and a full water bottle and motioned for him to get on with it. While he tilted his head, wet his hair, and started shaving she turned back to their stunned audience.

"Noah Puckerman and I have been best friends since second grade. Our relationship is one of mutual understanding; Noah understands that when I command something he will do it as quickly as he can, and I understand that I will always be obeyed. Once he's done I've decided to show you a few of his more interesting hidden talents and he and I will answer any of your questions. All our answers will be completely truthful, if he doesn't want to answer a question, or I don't want to, then we'll just respond 'no comment.'" Pulling out a nail file she leaned casually against the piano.

"First I'm going to tell you some of the basics. Noah and I have never sexted each other, I find sexting is usually boring and not as good as real sex. Also we've only ever had sex twice: once to lose our respective virginities when we were 14 and once so I could see how I felt about bondage about a year later. It's really never been about sex between us. I am the one who decided on the nickname 'Puck' and I invented dumpster dives and pee balloons. Noah's sadly not quite that mean. But I decided to save him from the fate of being some sort of band nerd and built him into one of the top dogs of the high school food chain, so you can blame all of your past humiliations at the hands of Puck on my masterful mind. There is a reason his nickname for me is Satan. Now I will take questions until he's done."

"Was it your idea to nail all of Kurt's lawn furniture to his roof?" Mercedes seemed really pissed off to discover that she'd been feeding Puck ideas all this time.

"Well, yes actually, the boys Noah was with wanted to graffiti crude things on the side of his house so Noah texted me asking for a good way to prevent that. We decided on that prank as the best option, it took effort, looked hilarious, and appeased the other jocks' need to humiliate the fairy boy. Next." No one noticed Mr. Schue slipping quietly into the room; they were so intent on Santana's confessional.

"Why did you and Puck make-out and act like you were sleeping together if you weren't?" This question came from Tina.

"Appearances. Now, Noah you're done right?" Upon receiving a nod she turned to the portable radio someone had left on a stool near the piano and grabbed it. "Okay, I'm gonna turn this to that classical station, Noah listen." Tuning it a bit she reached a station that was playing some sort of piano piece and let it play for almost a minute before abruptly switching it off. "Alright, Noah play."

"That was a duet, do you want me to play one part or should I be trying to replicate everything," asked the freshly bald teen as he sat down at the piano.

"Everything," she demanded as she folded up the towel with the razor and his hair in it. Placing everything back in her bag she waved him on. Nodding he focused on the piano and started playing exactly what they'd just heard on the radio, minus a few trickier bits that were impossible without more hands. Once he had gone through to the place she cut off the piece and stopped Santana continued to speak. "He can play anything he hears like perfectly without the sheet music, he plays piano, drums, bass, and guitar, and he writes songs. He actually loves music, he so would've been a band nerd and a Gleek right away if I hadn't stopped him, but hey it's kind of a losing battle now so I'm giving up, mostly, he still has to play football and workout. Now does anyone have any questions for Noah?"

"Wait, when I was teaching you guys about the drums you already knew how to play?" Finn looked both confused and brokenhearted at the same time.

"Yeah man, sorry, but Satan said not to let on that I could do anything beyond play guitar and sing." Puck looked so apologetic that Finn just sighed and shrugged it off.

"So, are you admitting that you've been best friends with Santana since the second grade?" Quinn asked, determined to see if all the promises the other girl had made the night before could actually be fulfilled.

"Uh, yeah. We've always been best friends, even when we're pretending to hate each other, or when we're ignoring each other for real." He responded as if this should have been the most obvious thing in the world. "She totally just told you that."

"Okay, I'll admit, Santana, you've done everything but you mentioned one last thing."

"Calm down Q, now boys, Dwarf, I've already sworn all the girls to secrecy but I'm also gonna demand it from you. If anything that's been said or done today gets leaked out of this room I'll make your life hell and, as I've already told the girls, if I tell Puck to slushie you three times a day he will. If I tell him to fight you, teepee your house, blast you with pee balloons, vandalize your car, or a million other things I can think of he will. He will obey me without question, regardless of the consequences." Here Puck was nodding along with her calm threats and everyone else was looking appropriately freaked out. As everyone else mumbled agreement to keeping everything a secret she smiled. "Excellent, now Noah take off your shoes and socks."

Over some protestations from various Glee clubbers, mainly Rachel about being sanitary, Puck obediently pulled off his footwear. Everyone fell silent as his still neon green toenails were revealed. A faint blush covered his cheeks as he avoided catching anyone's eyes.

"So last night I painted Noah's toenails, and I'm showing you not only to fulfill my goal of thoroughly embarrassing him today but also to emphasize that he will do _whatever_ I say, no matter _what_. Now you can have the nail polish remover." She pulled the bottle out of her bag and handed it, and some cotton swabs, to him. "Go remove it in the corner, Mr. Schue can totally have the club back now. Thank you for your time." Bowing she flounced back to her seat as Noah shuffled over to the corner and went about removing the embarrassing color from his toes.

"Wait!" Sam called out, "Are you two in love or something?" From all the nodding and awkward glances toward Puck it was obvious that most of the club thought that he, at the least, was in love with Santana. Puck however snorted and shook his head in reaction.

"No way man, I know for a fact that Satan over there-," he ducked the nail file that flew through the air precisely where his head had been, "is completely in love with someone else, and I am only attracted to small parts of her domineering personality. Basically I'm her bitch, like prison without the rape; she chose me to be her slave ages ago so that's how it stays until someone bitchier comes along, although if that did happen I'm pretty sure I'd be helping her hide the body, so I guess I'm stuck with her for life." He sighed dramatically as he tossed the file back to Santana before starting on the next foot, the efficiency with which he cleaned off the nail polish betrayed the years of having a female best friend to any observer.

"Wow, today has been really, revealing. Does anyone else have anything they'd like to share before we start the lesson of the week?" Mr. Schuester asked as he stepped forward from his previous place by the door. "Uh, Noah, I guess we might use you on one of the other instruments we now know you can play."

"You've really still gotta call me Puck Mr. Schue, sorry, but Noah's not who we show everyone at school. So until Satan says it's okay I'm still Puck here, and I'm still going to act like it in public." Capping the bottle of nail polish remover and giving the last of his toes one more swipe with a cotton swab he pulled on his socks, straightened, slipped on his shoes, and jumped down the risers while he shoved the used cotton in his pocket. Walking calmly over to Santana he tucked the clean swabs and the nail polish remover back into her bag and flopped into the free chair next to her. "Next week you are not allowed to paint my nails, _and_ I'm picking the cheesiest musical I can find for us to watch."

"Revenge of the best friend, I'm so scared," she responded in a monotone.

"You should be, I might ask _Rachel_ for movie advice." At Puck's response she blanched and looked a little green as she resolutely stared straight ahead. He smirked and leaned back in his seat. "You know none of them asked the really interesting question; was it us who got Karofsky expelled and sent to a psych ward all so Kurt could feel safe enough to come back?"

"There's no proof that he wasn't an insane sadistic sociopathic stalker who tortured squirrels in his free time," she calmly replied in a way that gave everyone in the classroom chills running up their spins, and the unshakable impression that she had everything to do with the irrefutable proof the police had found in his locker, garage, basement, and bedroom.

"The answer is; there's no proof that we had anything to do with it, but I personally would never cross Satan." Puck chuckled darkly before smiling in a seeming one-eighty, "So, Schuester, what's on the agenda for today?"

It was that moment that the entire Glee club vowed to never, _ever_, give either Santana or Puck any reason to want revenge on them. And Sue Sylvester, who was watching them through her hidden cameras, decided to promote Santana back up the pyramid for intensely Sue-like qualities. Kurt cursed his white knight syndrome and tried to kill the small crush on Puck that had just blossomed.

* * *

><p><strong>PS: <strong>The musical side of Puck/Noah is based completely off of Mark Salling's talents, except for the being able to play anything he hears: I've met a guy like that and it's an amazing talent (so fun to just turn on the radio and make him play random stuff) so I just had to include it.

Also I'm totally a SantanaXBrittany and PuckXKurt shipper (also I don't care about 'positions' in a fanfic relationship or whatever: who cares about anything other than it's well written). So I had to add a little hope for a Kurt/Puck relationship in there in the end, even if just for me 'cause this story is really about Santana and Noah's friendship.

**PPS:** Did anyone else misread Santana's name as Satana at first and think 'cool that totally matches her bitch personality'?


	3. Satan and Puck

**Disclaimer: **None of Glee belongs to me; I'm a) not Ryan Murphy and b) so not that creative/epically awesome.

**AN: **None of this is Betaed; I'm the only one who's edited it so sorry for any mistakes.

Chapter 3: Satan and Puck

Getting rid of Karofsky wouldn't have been so hard if Puck hadn't gotten stuck in juvie and lost most of his popularity points. See now they couldn't force him to leave by embarrassing him and pushing him down to the bottom of the food chain. They had to be subtler and she couldn't afford to lose Puck back to the system if they got caught.

Step one: get the Cheerios to spread the rumor that he, Karofsky, couldn't get it up when making out with them. It wasn't that hard, with her and Brittany planting the idea in their minds they were all too ready to believe a few carefully manipulated drunken encounters were real. Now while embarrassing the point of the rumor was to have a well established history of abnormality when people started looking into his life.

Next she had Puck 'borrow' some samples of Karofsky's handwriting. This part could have been done by either one of them, both she and Puck were masters at forging various notes by now, but she happened to be slightly better at seamlessly slipping into someone else's writing and way of wording. She slipped one of Karofsky's unused notebooks from his locker, once you knew the combination you were set, and spent hours on the weekends writing creepy journal entries dating back to the beginning of the school year. She was careful to write the entries in a way that showed the mental progression of time. Because she was just that good she had Puck skin and mutilate a few squirrels, all of which were dead when he got them because he refused to go so far as killing anything, but she figured there were tons of the vermin out there and she didn't have any such qualms when it was necessary to help a friend, and wrote about torturing them in the journal as well. Placing the squirrel bodies in various places where they would decompose at different rates until she was ready for them to be found she made sure to get some small drops of blood on 'Karofsky's' journal.

Finally, before they could allow the plan to unfold, they needed pictures of Kurt. Yes, the main focus of Karofsky's newfound stalker tendencies was going to be Kurt. Seducing Jew-fro, did he even have a real name, was easy and while he was distracted by her Puck snuck into his computer cave and downloaded copies of all his tapes for them to go over later and take still screen shots from. Puck, while he was visiting Finn and pretended he needed to use the bathroom, took pictures of the inside of Kurt's house and of some of the other pictures of Kurt they had around the house, he even copied some pictures off of Kurt's computer. After downloading all the pictures she could find on Facebook and other sites Santana photo-shopped some photos to look like they'd been taken through a window or something of Kurt while he was making breakfast and a few other things. Eventually, armed with hundreds of photos of their friend Puck and Santana created a few stalker shrines of Kurt. The shrines eventually went in Karofsky's basement and locker while the diary went in his bedroom and the squirrel torture proof was hidden in his garage (Puck had of course worn gloves and used a knife from Karofsky's own kitchen to cut up the tree-crawling vermin).

Now the trick to the plan was making sure there was no way Puck could get blamed in any way. So, after making sure they had a sleepover and the maid saw them, Puck snuck out early while she was getting ready for school and planted all the evidence they needed at Karofsky's house once he left for early morning practice. Once Puck made it back to her room, through the window, she left for her morning Cheerio practice after giving the maid directions to 'wake' Puck up in time for school. She of course had the locker shrine and the, slightly bloodstained, knife. When the maid woke him Puck would get dressed, again, and declare his plans to ditch today, flirt with the maid, help her clean-up the breakfast dishes, and go play video games in Santana's electronics room just like he had on numerous occasions before and he'd have an airtight alibi from the time he came over the night before till the time the police needed to question him (they were assuming here that Karofsky would try to blame Puck for some kind of set-up because of the lame threat he'd given him in the locker room before they'd shoved him in a port-a-potty, better safe than sorry).

By now, Santana never left anything to chance, they'd had Karofsky's schedule memorized and she knew just when it was safe to plant the locker shrine since he wouldn't be stopping by his locker again until after football practice. It took some careful slight of hand, but they, she and Puck, had practiced it hundreds of times, to drop the knife just so in his bag so that it would tumble out right when he went to open it to change for football that afternoon. Since they went to a public school he'd receive an automatic expulsion for bringing a weapon to school and, since there were bloodstains on said weapon, the police would be called to deal with him even before his parents. All this meant that the police would search his locker, find the creepy shrine to Kurt, recall Kurt's previous mention of threats on his life, and then, along with the anonymous blood on the knife, they'd have enough cause to search his house. When they did search his house they found his diary detailing a sick and twisted mind and where to find the second, more elaborate shrine, and the dead, mutilated, squirrels, etc.

If the police thought to question his fellow students there were handfuls of Cheerios that would swear on everything they held holy that he was a weirdo who couldn't get it up with normal stimulus (aka, he'd made-out with them and hadn't had a reaction). All the students he'd ever bullied could swear he had violent, possibly sadistic, tendencies. Even Jew-fro would be a help here; he had hours of tapes that included film of Karofsky slushieing, dumpster diving, locker checking, and doing a million other things to various students. Yep, score for Satan and Puck; mission get rid of Karofsky was so accomplished. The best part was he'd go through therapy that would actually help him and once he passed a few psych tests he'd probably be allowed back in public but never back at McKinley.

No one crossed Satan, _or_ Puck, without living to regret it. Now she could move on to those boys in juvie who'd messed with her boy.

* * *

><p><strong>PS:<strong> I do not condone such extreme measures in real life and I actually feel sorry for Karofsky right now but I can almost see the two of them doing something like this, especially in this world. And yes Puck totally mentioned this in Glee just to emphasize that Santana's threats were serious.


	4. Santana and Puck

**Disclaimer: **None of Glee belongs to me; I'm a) not Ryan Murphy and b) so not that creative/epically awesome.

**AN: **None of this is Betaed; I'm the only one who's edited it so sorry for any mistakes.

**Warning?:** Funnily enough this chapter, and others, was already written before I got a review for this story, I was just neglecting to post because I didn't think anyone was reading it. Well someone reviewed with something about 'total power exchange between minors' (dude that phrasing sounds like an old person wrote it 3) needing a warning but I didn't think that was what this was (or at least it's not supposed to be) and I've got way more parts to this story to post that I really hope clear up the 'Puck is a slave with no personality' part of the review but I guess I'll add that as a warning. So **BE WARNED!** Puck seems to lack a mind and follows Santana's orders. This may or may not be considered real friendship.

Chapter 4: Santana and Puck

So everyone thought she was the one in control in their relationship, especially after the scene in the choir room a month ago, but that wasn't always true. Sure she was always in control in public but that was because they both knew she needed the strong bitch persona to keep from falling apart or letting people too close. Puck had only ever stood up to her publicly once, well once that anyone else might guess about. But that was okay because she knew when she needed to back down, most of the time. Seriously, Noah had been taking care of his little sister and his Ma for years, how on earth did everyone seem to suddenly think his letting her order him around meant he didn't have any backbone? Just because he didn't really like confrontation that much and always bitched at her in private didn't mean he didn't do it.

It almost seemed like they didn't hear the part where she was the one to invent Puck. Everyone focused on how much control she had over him to make him shave his precious Mohawk or force him to play piano for them. _She'd invented Puck_. That meant that Noah didn't even care about the stupid haircut he'd had, sure he grew it back out but only out of habit and because it was something of a signature for him now. While it seemed like some shocking display of power to the club Santana, and Noah, knew that it was like changing from a green shirt to a blue one for him; he didn't really care one way or the other. It just looked impressive from the outside. And sure he was a bit embarrassed about the toenails but they all knew that nobody outside the choir room would ever believe it if one of the other Gleeks tried to spill those beans. Did they not hear the part about him probably ending up a band geek without her? Noah didn't care who knew he could play all those instruments because music was something he loved. Truthfully all that had happened in the choir room that day was Santana letting go of a little of her control. What looked like a display of power was really her losing it, telling him that he was free to be who he really was with these kids and she wouldn't stand in his way anymore.

Another thing that 'who do you think paid for his vasectomy' line was just like her boob job, complete bullshit; neither one of them got any surgery done that summer. She'd never deprive him of the ability to have kids like that; Noah wanted a real family some day and he'd make an awesome dad, one day. Seriously it was like you could say anything in this town and people would believe you. Lima made the rest of the world look like a place full of sane geniuses. At least you needed some sort of proof out there in the real world.

When it came out that she'd slept with Finn and she started the 'hate on Rachel fest' that went down in their greenroom Puck's comment told her she needed to back down because he wouldn't be backing her up. He actually liked Rachel and Finn was his second best friend so even though he understood her reasons for wanting to break them up Puck didn't approve, and his body language was screaming that if she pushed much further he'd be putting her down and taking the other girl's side. She'd have probably died without Noah around so she didn't push too hard, in front of him, and she let things mostly take their own course. He was too nice for his own good and didn't realize Berry was gonna jump him until too late and, damn, if she didn't feel terrible about getting him pulled into her shit again.

Even she could admit that breaking up Sam and Quinn like that was way too spiteful, even for her. And maybe she deserved it when Puck pulled her into an empty classroom and told her exactly how much of a bitch move it was and explained, in very clear terms, how she was going to end up with only one friend left in Glee if she kept on like this. He was one friend who'd never leave her even if right now he didn't really like her. So she tried to be nicer after that but she was a bitch. It was ingrained by now, she'd had to keep from letting the outside world see how much her home life sucked and she'd built up the habit of being a bitch to keep from letting her father, her mother, or anyone else hurt her.

But back to the time(s) when he'd actually bothered to stand up to her. Well there was the obvious when he ran for Prom King with Lauren as his Queen against Santana's solo campaign for Queen. He'd let her know that Lauren needed the confidence boost more than she did, especially since she was only running to make sure Quinn lost, and that she'd better vote Lauren for Queen too. She had, and she'd secretly used sex to convince over two-thirds of the boys, and almost a fourth of the girls, in the school to vote Lauren too, so when Puck won King he'd frowned and glared at the crown but when Lauren won Queen the smile he gave her over Lauren's shoulder let Santana know that she was totally forgiven for everything she'd pulled lately, including not wearing her 'Lebanese' shirt and outing them to the Glee Club.

Other than that it would take a more observant person than most of the kids, and teachers, in Lima were to notice when he'd stood up to her publicly. She'd told him in no uncertain terms that he wasn't allowed to join Glee, especially when she was 'secretly' supposed to be destroying it, and he'd done it anyways. The whole dating Rachel thing that went on for a week there was not on her approved list of things he was supposed to do but he liked the girl, felt sorry for her and really wanted his mother's approval, so he'd ignored her and gone for it. Sticking with Glee instead of football? Yeah she'd agreed to that, _not_. Sure she agreed to it after the fact, when he explained his reasons and how much he loved music and was getting sick of being Puck all the time that afternoon, but no one needed to know that. She didn't think an open adoption was the best idea but that's still what he had with Beth and Shelby. When she thought about it he'd started doing a lot of sneaky things she didn't want him doing lately.

Example A was setting up Artie and Brittany, she could have strangled him for that. She loved Brittany and he knew it. But he'd gone all shifty and tried to make her admit it by putting some competition out there to push her into action. Eventually it did and then it was too freaking late and Brittany was with Wheels, seriously with him. At least they'd broken-up eventually, she'd have to suck it up again and ask Brittany out over the summer. Her boy was growing up despite her, no, _to_ spite her. Ever since he'd been to juvie, okay more like ever since he'd had that 'encounter' with Lauren, it was like he was actually sure of what he wanted from life. No, that wasn't quite right. It was closer to he really knew who he was and who _she_ was. He was comfortable with being both Noah and Puck in public without worrying about the consequences as much and where he'd almost always followed her lead before now he understood when she didn't really need him to.

She'd needed control of something because otherwise she'd have ended up as one of those girls who was trying to control herself. Controlling herself in a bad way, like anorexia or bulimia or cutting or something, because her father was abusive and she could admit it. Mostly he just yelled and made her feel worthless but every once in a while he'd hit her, until last year when she and Puck still weren't talking because of the sexts thing but he'd come over anyways when he saw the bruises and threatened her father for her, he hadn't hit her since. Noah had always known that she needed to order him around because she couldn't make anything else happen the way she wanted it. It wasn't really a mutual understanding like she'd explained it to the club, it was, well, they just knew what the other needed. He needed to not have so much responsibility and she needed power over something, it worked, but it was only in public. Noah was really her best friend, she just treated even her friends like shit and he didn't call her on it too often. Puck was sort of her project, her project to make her best friend popular and even when people hated him they didn't hate Noah. But when he was Noah channeling Puck, always when she was just Santana, not Satan, in public, that was when he was her hero.

When she told the Glee girls, back when Rachel was 'secretly' dating Jesse, that they should just never say no like she did she hadn't meant it literally. Sometimes she did say no, more often she avoided being alone with anybody she didn't want to have sex with. Half the time she didn't even mean to have sex with the guys she did; it was just easier not to protest because she wasn't ready to deal with the 'I was raped' aftermath. Even if she was, once, at a party a month before freshman year ended. After that, saying no but not being able to get the guy to back off because she was too small and too drunk, she never went to another party without bringing Puck along as back up and she never said no again. And Puck totally got his reputation for randomly beating people up when he jumped the guy from the party on Monday without giving a reason.

Just after the Glee/Football team combo that almost didn't work game she'd been so happy and riding on that high from the halftime show she'd forgotten one of her cardinal rules. _Never let yourself be alone near someone you really don't want to have sex with_. One of the footballers Puck had convinced to come back was one of the few guys on the team she'd never done anything with. Big, like Karofsky sized, and blond he was known for being rough when making out, and going further. But the real reason she'd never ever let him come within fifty feet of her was because his older brother was a senior when they were freshmen. His older brother who looked a lot like him and had been at that party where she'd been… okay so she got sick seeing his face because it reminded her too much of the first and only boy she ever tried saying no to. But she'd forgotten he was there when she stood under the bleachers waiting for Puck to change and come back out of the locker room.

He must have been really quick at changing and she'd never noticed it because the rest of the Cheerios had always surrounded her before now. Regardless he was suddenly there in front of her in her space and there was no one else around to act as a buffer. She was freaking out and not really registering him talking about 'getting his turn on the town bike' because all she could see was that bedroom and that boy from two years ago. But when she said 'no' because that night was never happening again, if she could help it no one but Noah would ever know it had happened in the first place, he still kissed her. Maybe she'd whispered, she would never truly admit it but she was actually scared so she might have been speaking quietly, it was possible. She stood frozen and freaking out. Then he was suddenly not touching her.

"Listen to my girl when she says no and back off." Noah was here and he always knew how to make it better. He was Noah in the worry and tenderness in his eyes but the way he'd just decked that guy was Puck all the way.

"Wha-? Dude, you can't hit me!" Well obviously he had, the bleeding nose and red cheek that hinted at a future black eye confirmed that, but true Puck was still on probation for fighting.

"I didn't hit you. Santana and I were making out in my truck when you tripped and fell against the bleachers. Clearly neither one of us was here, but you should be careful not to trip again." His vicious glare and the protective way he stood in front of her said just what might cause Puck to 'trip' the other boy again. Finally sneering as best he could with blood gushing out of his nose he backed down and muttered about not wanting to catch something from her anyway before stomping off.

"Thanks," she muttered as she hugged him and hid her face in his chest so she could let out a few tears without being seen.

"You gonna be okay?" He asked carefully as he wrapped his arms around her. Nodding once without removing her head from where it was buried she felt him sigh as his heartbeat slowed back down. "Let's head over to mine and steal Ma's Ben and Jerry's. We'll have one of those gossip nights and you can listen to me gush about how awesome it was that Kurt rejoined as our kicker for today's game and how epic the halftime show was."

Sniffing once and pulling herself together she released him and stepped back, no one could tell she'd been crying unless they looked at the damp mascara smudges on Puck's shirt. "Fine, but I call the Mint Chocolate Chip."

"Whatever, you know she only buys that for you anyways," he tossed back as they started towards his truck. Really it was good to have a friend like Noah who was always what she needed. Sometimes she almost considered letting the world know he was hers. Imagining the looks on everyone's faces if she announced to the school that Noah Puckerman was her best friend forever and they were off to gossip and watch romantic comedies she smiled all the way to his house.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> I'm sorry whoever feels this isn't friendship. It really seems like it could be to me, I've seen friendships like this before where the friends act like something in public to protect their image but are different when they're just with friends. I knew two girls who were best friends since probably preschool and when we got to high school they decided, together, that they were going to be popular and, even though they were like equal friends in private, in public one of the girls was the HBIC and the other acted like her loyal lackey. I was close enough with them before high school to know they were acting and it was always weird when the three of us were at my house or something and lackey and HBIC suddenly became the girls I'd known for years who shared everything with each other and would have probably stood against the whole school for one another if they ever needed to.

So I'm really sorry but I didn't think this was too much of a stretch from being a friendship. To me it's like Noah didn't really care enough to mind Santana dictating what he was supposed to do, nothing she 'made' him do in the second chapter was anything he wouldn't have done on his own. The way I saw it she was the one who told him to get a Mohawk and pretend he wasn't as good at music as he was; why would he mind it if she decided to let up on those restrictions? Also if he cared enough he would stand up to her, like when he refused to kill squirrels to frame Karofsky, or when he made her watch musicals like 'West Side Story' when it was his turn to choose a movie.

Also weird friendships work sometimes: my best frenemy for life who is really my best friend had a guy she went to high school with who was a really good friend of hers. He called her 'Mom' and she'd call him to make sure he did his homework each night but they were still friends outside of that. They hung-out, went to parties, had other friends in common, and everything 'normal' friends do but they also had this weird aspect of their relationship. She was friends with his mom and she totally called him her son. It was really weird to everyone else but it worked for them (still does even though they graduated over three years ago, she checks up on him in college).

Again, I'm sorry. My views on relationships might be a bit skewed, I've never had a sibling and my parents left me home alone for over half my childhood (I was unplanned but neither of them 'believes' in abortion). Fifth grade I dyed my hair purple to see if they'd notice anything and a month later when my mother finally came back home to 'touch base' all she did was buy some shampoo for treated hair and reminisce a bit about her 'wild days' when she handed it to me. It wasn't until a year later that she realized I'd also pierced my ears at the same time. They used to leave a note saying we'll be gone for X weeks next to the take-out menus and a couple hundred dollars as far back as third grade, before that I had a babysitter who stopped by for a few hours after school to feed me, her daughter was my age. All I've got is from observing other people, most of the relationships I write are directly based off of one I've seen before (if my friends went on FF and stumbled across my account most of them could point to exactly where they're influencing a story).

And I'm not dissing anyone else's opinion I'm just trying to apologize for any upset feelings and share my justification/ point of view.


	5. Noah and Puck

**Disclaimer: **None of Glee belongs to me; I'm a) not Ryan Murphy and b) so not that creative/epically awesome.

**AN: **None of this is Betaed; I'm the only one who's edited it so sorry for any mistakes.

**BE WARNED!** I mention sexual and emotional abuse of a minor in this chapter.

Chapter 5: Noah and Puck

Noah was almost nothing like Puck. Puck was a dumb jock who could barely read; Noah was smart enough to be in some AP classes this year and loved reading to his little sister before she went to bed each night. Noah loved music, he wrote it, he played four instruments, he listened to almost any genre, and he even liked musicals; Puck only played the guitar and sang, and he only listened to music by Jewish artists. Puck was a bad, non-kosher keeping, Jew; Noah did the household grocery shopping and kept them strictly kosher, and he was fluent in Hebrew. Noah didn't like violence all that much, he'd gotten hit too much as a kid to like hitting others; Puck beat-up anyone who crossed him without even thinking about it. Puck was a straight studly stud that studs with any girl he can get; Noah was attracted to personality more than gender or appearances, and he hated when he had sex with either gender (because it tended to be paid for or payment for something). Noah secretly hated himself and his life; Puck was a cocky over confidant badass who loved everything about himself. Both of them loved Santana (platonically) for always being his best friend.

Santana, Satan, liked to think she'd created Puck to protect Noah but he knew it wasn't just her. He definitely wouldn't have been as extreme as Puck but Noah would have done something, invented some false personality, to protect himself. There was no way he was brave enough to stick his soft side out there and let high school tear him apart. He wasn't going to let people know that he helped his little sister with her homework and watched Disney Channel with her on the weekends. Nobody needed to know how much he liked music, musicals, dancing, really anything connected to music at all. He had to be strong for his little sister, make sure she got dinner and went to bed at the right time, when their Ma was working the late shift, again, and he had to help out his Ma, fix things around the house and help her pay the bills. Noah couldn't afford to let the outside world hurt him; he'd had enough of that for a lifetime.

When Satan took control and bossed him around he knew it was her way of calming herself down. She needed him and Brittany to follow her around so she could feel validated. Sometimes he felt like he'd always known her better than she knew herself, just like she seemed to know him. But it wasn't just that. He'd always been a private 'suffer alone' sort of person and even his best and oldest friend Santana didn't know everything. See he had trouble caring about anything besides his family, and her, too much. And, yes, he knew there was something wrong with him, but he didn't mind letting her decide who Puck was and he didn't care too much if she spilled whatever beans she wanted, or even who she spilled them to. Noah hadn't been able to really care about himself since before he was ten.

Santana thought, and she was right, that they'd lost their virginities to each other when they were fourteen, but what she didn't know was that it wasn't the first time he'd done something sexual, or had it done to him. His Ma had probably the worst taste in men ever. First his dad, who left her with two kids, a mortgage, and a few truckloads of debt, and then they just got worse. There was one boyfriend who was a really mean drunk; even now when he was big enough to protect himself Puck couldn't stand hearing a door slam. He and his sister were the quietest kids he knew because for years walking, heck breathing, too loud in their house had been dangerous. But even that, which they'd had from a few months before his eleventh birthday until partway through freshman year, wasn't as bad as Ma's first boyfriend after his dad walked.

His dad left them when he was six, just after his little sister turned two. For a few years after that his Ma struggled to take care of two kids, work, and everything else so she didn't even have time to consider dating anyone. He'd always thought it was ironic that a week after he and Santana had shared that innocent first kiss, back in third grade, his Ma started dating this charming guy who didn't mind that she had kids. A month later he'd turned nine and three days after his birthday he was groped for the first time, by that boyfriend who liked little kids a little too much. Practically every day after that as soon as his mother left them alone, to pick-up Noah's little sister or to work her boyfriend was always willing to babysit, the man had his hands down Noah's pants. Now he might have protested or told someone but the man kept telling him things like if Noah didn't make it good for him then he'd have to move on to his sister or that nice girl Santana Noah liked to play with, maybe even that boy Finn who lived down the street. He didn't want any of them to have to feel like he did now. It'd already been done to him so there was no need to spread the bad and the hurt to anyone else.

There was never any actual penetration, okay no anal penetration, so he didn't consider himself a rape victim or anything. The guy just touched him inappropriately, which was just a way of comforting himself, he really did know how badly he'd been messed up. He knew how to give hand jobs and blowjobs before he turned ten. Thankfully the man was arrested in some sort of Internet child pornography bust two months before Noah turned ten, best early birthday present ever, so even if he got out anytime soon Ma wouldn't date him again.

No one ever did anything like that to him again but the damage was done, he couldn't find it in himself to care about a messed-up, abandoned, molested, damaged kid like himself because no one else but Santana even seemed to care either. Why hadn't his Ma noticed how he flinched every time she announced she had to work late but her lovely boyfriend would stay with them until she got home? None of his teachers seemed to care that when his mother's boyfriend was the one picking him up from school he wasn't eager to leave. How did the police not consider that the man might have been molesting his girlfriend's son who was the same age and gender as most of the child porn he was arrested for?

Whatever. After that he couldn't let himself trust anyone to be there for him. He'd always been this strong, loving, _sacrificing_ Noah for his sister and his Ma and it was nice to just let go with Santana. Let her decide what they were going to play or do or act like. And he was glad to be Puck; glad for the excuse to be selfish and rude and so, _so,_ glad to get the chance to lash back out at the world that had hurt him. Of course he didn't let Santana dictate everything about him, just most things because he didn't really care about them.

As long as he kept his grades up, which he did since he wasn't really the dumb jock Satan assigned him to act like, he was getting the hell out of dodge as soon as he graduated. It didn't make any difference to him how the stupid people of this shitty town saw him because he hated them right back. He'd had a set-up with the guidance counselor before Ms. P.; he blew the guy a few times and he had two schedules, one tailored to a dumb jock, and one with his actual classes. That year he'd gone to his real classes and people assumed he was just sleeping in the back of random classrooms while ditching his 'real' classes. At the end of the year the fake schedule was erased and all those classes were never on his record. Since that guy was replaced with Ms. P. after their freshman year he just worked his magic on Mr. Figgins's secretary to get the same deal. Bonus perk these last three, well still only two and a half, years was that the secretary was much more accommodating and she also arranged Santana's _and_ Britt's schedules to Puck's satisfaction for the same payment (but with less penis and more pussy, he didn't really care because San was happy to have her best girl friend in all her classes and that mattered more to him than whoring himself out a little more).

There were the grades explained easily, she wasn't forcing him to actually _be_ dumb, and the look, really, Santana told all the Gleeks that she invented Puck and they still thought it was some sort of big feat that she got him to shave off his Mohawk on command. If he had his choice he'd be bald or buzzed; he was never again growing his hair out like it had been when he was nine but he thought the 'hawk was really stupid and childish looking. And well he loved music; it was one thing that nothing bad in his life had ever managed to taint. It made sense that he wouldn't mind sharing it with the club. Actually he found it amusing that while everyone had written the lyrics he'd managed to write the music for Loser Like Me almost completely by himself and they still weren't suspicious. How on earth did they think he'd written music for a _piano_ without knowing how to play one?

Eventually it came down to years of friendship between them. He'd seen her at her best and her worst. She'd had the same pleasure with him. There was only one secret between them, and she'd probably already guessed some of it. Sure Santana was a bitch but she was like that to everyone. She got nicer in private and he knew he could trust her not to do anything that would actually hurt him. That was the true 'mutual understanding' behind their relationship; they each understood exactly where the other was coming from and almost always knew exactly what they needed. The friendship between him and San was warped because they were; both of them were damaged, probably beyond repair.

Puck let her drive in their relationship because he always had a set of brakes in the passenger seat. Satan was in charge because he wanted her to be. The minute she needed him to take over and fix a situation he'd be there, and the moment he didn't want to listen to her, and she knew when that was, he didn't. So he let her mold Puck into who she wanted throughout middle and high school without protest. Who would object to being made popular, envied, and safe from bullying in the brutal world of McKinley High? Obviously not him.


End file.
